Family Conflict and Tips

Family conflict can be extremely difficult to overcome. Family conflict can involve many factors, including the notion of weddings. Weddings are a wonderful time for the families, however they can bring the worst in many people. Recently, I came across a case that enabled me to understand why people are the way they are and why conflict occurs with certain types of personalities.

The case begins with 2 families who initially agreed to split the cost of their children's wedding. Each family decided to split the cost of the decorations, food, catering, dj and photography. Initially everything was agreed upon by all parties. A week later, the mother in law decides to  back out. However, instead of telling the bride's parents, she tells the bride. Now the issue arose that the parents of the wedding couple decided to keep them out of the initial agreement to not add any extra stress on the couple. The bride's mother in law (groom's mother) decided to back out because believed in the bride's family paying for it. Instead of discussing this sudden change in decision with the bride's mother, she discusses it with the bride. The bride snaps because the soon to be mother in law has lied her way to back out of the agreement. Another issue here is that the mother in law is a sociopath and compulsive liar. Her mental instability is unknown to the bride's family, however slowly but surely the truth that the mother in law is a sociopath and compulsive liar begins to come out. The mother in law who cannot keep up with her lies begins to lie to each person within the bride's family on silly things. Although these are small white lies, the stories are not adding up. Now the storm is brewing as the mother in law really blows a stink. She calls the mother of the bride and states that her daughter is the one causing all the problems with the back and forth. Mind you, the bride has very minimal involvement in the whole thing. What is wrong in this picture?

The groom doesn't want to hear any of it. He is fully aware of his mother's issues, but overlooks them because he couldn't be bothered by her. And although he is fully aware of his mother's compulsive lies, he gets mad at the bride for complaining about his mother. What is wrong in this picture?

Now the parents of the bride have demanded to meet the mother in law in a face to face meeting to discuss the final outcome on what was decided. The bride and groom are requested to be there. However, the groom refuses. So the groom's mother rekindles a negative relationship with the groom's favorite uncle, in order to use him to request her son to sit in on the meeting.

The bride and groom arrive at the mother in law's house for a Sunday afternoon meal and the uncle suddenly takes the groom away in a private meeting. Now understand that the mother in law has set all of this up. What is wrong in this picture?


So do you think that communication is the key? Tomorrow will be the outcome of what is determined and will posted a follow up on the final outcome.


Describe the problem and identify the main person causing the issue.


Tips to overcome family conflict:
by Better Health Channel

Agreeing to negotiate

Separate the emotions. Usually, our first angry impulse is to push the point that we are right and win the argument at any cost. Finding a peaceful resolution can be difficult, if not impossible, when both parties stubbornly stick to their guns. It helps if everyone decides as a family to try listening to each other and negotiating instead.

Suggestions include:

• Work out if the issue is worth fighting over.
• Try to separate the problem from the person.
• Try to cool off first if you feel too angry to talk calmly.
• Keep in mind that the idea is to resolve the conflict, not win the argument.
• Remember that the other party isn’t obliged to always agree with you on everything.
• Define the problem and stick to the topic.
• Respect the other person’s point of view by paying attention and listening.
• Talk clearly and reasonably.
• Try to find points of common ground.
• Agree to disagree.

Try to listen

Conflict can escalate when the people involved are too angry to listen to each other. Misunderstandings fuel arguments. Suggestions include:

• Try to stay calm.
• Try to put emotions aside.
• Don’t interrupt the other person while they are speaking.
• Actively listen to what they are saying and what they mean.
• Check that you understand them by asking questions.
• Communicate your side of the story clearly and honestly.
• Resist the urge to bring up other unresolved but unrelated issues.

Work as a team

Once both parties understand the views and feelings of the other, you can work out a solution together. Suggestions include:

• Come up with as many possible solutions as you can.
• Be willing to compromise.
• Make sure everyone clearly understands the chosen solution.
• Once the solution is decided on, stick to it.
• Write it down as a ‘contract’, if necessary.

Professional advice

There are services available to help family members work through difficult issues of conflict. Seek professional advice if you think you need some assistance.






Posted on behalf of Group Whynot.